Another episodic lyrical poem from the ChaotickBlisse side project!! Written just a few minutes ago
Take careful notice of the fifth diamond.
Ignore the rampant bustle which beats like a drum.
Should you leave, forget where you came from.
Where thence were we off to?
To supply an answer would only serve to dull the fun.
Still they’d tread ever so slightly behind.
Our ironically innocent anti-hero. Whom many would fail to mark as evil in the public eye.
Was indeed anti-heroic. Their acts of heroism and selflessness were not uncommon.
Yet perpetually plagued by flaws of character. The type Only a misfit or a nihilist would idealize. For now.
His thought process, especially in terms of ethical evaluations was quite unique.
He had an almost backwards ability of self justification. He always had for every positive moral decision he made, a selfish backup reason.
Almost as if lacking desire to admit he was doing the right thing just too do it.
If everyone believes their own effort to do the right thing, who really is?
How is the right thing any better than the left thing?
I felt that.
No clue. Semi-clue. Artifact.
Noises continually find their way to my perception.
The vision of one is anothers radar.
Don’t auto pilot your poisons.
Perhaps I ought not dictate after being so hostile toward the bottle.
Adfectantibus Romanis Cantor
another poem from our episodic verse project chaotick bliss!
The morning began fairly normal. I woke up, took 3 shots of whiskey, as well as a shot of bourbon for good measure, and than preceded upstairs to make coffee.
I prepared two cups, and sat down with the ghost of Former United States Senator Carl Hayden to negotiate the new spiritual import laws on fourth dimensional Tesseracts.
I asked him how he took his coffee, too which he replied sincerely, that he preferred it to with cream and sugar. This was followed by an angry fist on the table after which he insisted that if anyone should ask he takes his coffee black.
“How beautiful.” I thought, even in the afterlife politicians are hardcore liars. Just goes to show that death parts us from our closest friends and family but never our sins. Just when I was finished with my cup, he dissapeared into a puff of smoking, taking the cup with him.
“YOU DAMNED DEMOCRATIC SCOUNDREL, THAT WAS FINE CHINA!” I yelled angrily whipping the cup across my room. In hindsight this was quite counter productive, as I should have known it would go right through him and now I had lost two coffee cups. I swept up the glass shards into a bowl, this would make a good snack I assured myself. So I sat down with pen in hand (in front of my typewriter) and began to snack on the shards as I write this article.
Now that I’m caught up i’m not sure what to say. We hadn’t planned ahead this far. When I say we I meant my spiritual congregation. This includes the ghosts of Lou Reed, Phil Ochs, Mikhael Alexandrovich Bakunin, Fyodor Dostoevsky, William Godwin, Hunter S. Thomson, and Albert Hoffman.
Me and my dead friends began to form a football huddle. During this we discussed all sorts of upcoming natural disasters, sociological movements, the results of political affairs, stock market trends, and our tastes in women.
After the crowd cleared out I decided that this article probably wasn’t worth continuing and that I was probably better off playing guitar. This wasn’t hard to convince myself as music is only slightly preferable to writing.
I honestly hope this article was too confusing for you all to enjoy. If it wasn’t you might just be bordering on literal insanity; if you do that probably means we should be friends so like subscribe and leave a comment you scumbags.
It was about 4 in the morning. Nothing was out of the ordinary besides myself. After smoking my 7th off brand cigarette in a row, I made the critical decision to light an eighth one. I would probably be worried about cancer if I were a real person.
By now it was about 4:05 and I heard a phone ringing. Now normally this wouldn’t be too weird, except that I did not own a phone. I looked around for the source of the ringing only to discover a payphone had sprouted out of my basement floor. It was at that same moment I recognized the phones ringtone: It had been set too the tune of Rappers Delight by the Sugar hill gang.
“Well that’s nifty” I thought. Doing my best not to get caught up in the songs rhythm, yet very clearly struggling; I walked over and picked up the phone,. I was presented with a dial tone that informed me I was being called collect. I was than prompted to insert two quarters, a cigarette, and half a quart of motor oil, In order to receive this call.
Having just spent every last cent I had on bottom shelf whiskey, I knew exactly what must be done. Sprinting full force to the gas station across the street I quickly acquired two quarters from the take a penny thing (without buying anything of course.)
Many nasty looks were given. No cares however could be found. I ran back into my abode to insert the two quarters before the phone stopped ringing. After that I inserted the motor oil followed by the cigerette, which was spit back out at me with a note: I only smoke Menthol’s.
I contemplated returning to the store but I really didn’t want to waste $10 on a pack of Newport Greens. I ran to my bathroom, and soaked a cigarette in mint flavored mouth wash before drying it with a hair dryer. I was quite confident this would fool the machine. I returned and reinserted, hoping for the results like a hopeless gambler watching the contents of his welfare check being eaten up by a shiny red slot machine at some shady casino.
It spit the cigarette out. “Well shit it must be one smart payphone.” I began to think too myself. My assumption was wrong, however because the note this time read “Break the filter off and light it you fool!” I did as instructed and proceeded to pick up the phone.
Apparently it was god. Which sorry to tell all you Christians out there, but the voice on the phone was a female. Apparently I was elected to become our generations Devil. I asked why? I was not particularly evil. This was when she explained to me that the devil wasn’t actually evil. But more like the actor who plays the villain in a movie. Except that unlike most movies the true distinction of who’s right and who’s wrong isn’t so clear.
He explained to me that the counter culture needs prophets too, and that I was in line for the lineage. Unconvinced I wanted to see some proof that I was talking too god and not an Imposter. The voice informed me it could be verified. When I asked how: the phone booth dissipated, sinking into the ground. I suppose that was all the proof I needed.
If there is anything I took from this meta-fictional experience it’s
Hello ladies, gentlemen and (insert desired pronoun or lack thereof), my name is Alexander Austin Webber and I am a 20 year old NEET from small town in upstate New York.
So what is a NEET and what am I confessing? NEET is an acronym that stands for not in formal education employment or training.
Am I happy I made this decision? Some days, but most of the time no I am not.
Did I realize I was making this decision? Not entirely, I was naively optimistic about my ability to build a life and make a living on my skills and knowledge and the assistance of my peers at age 18 (20 now) Many of you I suppose are getting a good laugh from this right now, and I am pleased that you are. Your laughter means my words are serving some form of purpose even if it’s mere entertainment. I’ve always found enjoyment in self depreciation anyways.
So how did I get here? Lets rewind a little bit. It’s early 2018, and I’m giving my second go at a college degree, this time instead of university, it’s back home at my local community college, better known as FMCC or Fulton Montgomery community college. Compared to my first attempt at a formal education, I was doing quite well to my surprise. I had always been a bright kid, and loved to read and write. However I had been plagued with an inconsistent disposition. Getting up and going to classes every day was something I found rather difficult, as I preferred to stay home: playing guitar, writing songs, poems, quasi-philosophical essays and short stories, and spending time with my girlfriend at the time. Though despite this I had a lot of faith in my abilities, perhaps looking back I had far too much.
I would eventually drop out to pursue these things convincing myself that I was better off self guiding my learning, and applying it to my own craft in a foolish attempt to start my own company. Though at first I had much support from my peers, I would quickly realize that the problems that haunted me at school, would follow me into my own affairs. Many days I would not work on my website, or my music, convincing myself that read and take notes was enough, and while this was not useless, it certainly wasn’t going to help me build a happy and successful life in which I need not resort to leeching off my family, at least not directly.
I was and am living with my grandparents at the time as I had done most of my life (God bless them.) and working as a dishwasher at a local restaurant. I should also mention that I struggled perpetually with mental illness and drug and alcohol addiction. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child, depression and anxiety as a young teen, and Bi Polar Disorder at age 17.
I had dealt with a few bouts of substance addiction throughout high school and my early adult life, though I don’t want to be too specific about this. At least not yet, possibly another article for another day. I was also quite the pot-head, however this is something as compared to my other more negative habits that I (possibly quite foolishly) claim with pride and still do. On a similar note I am also a dedicated advocate for the research, exploration and hopefully a reconsideration of legal policies surrounding serotonin agonizing substances better known as psychedelic drugs such as LSD and Psilocybin mushrooms on behalf of their medicinal, entheogenic (spiritual tool), and educational potential.
My apologies for straying away from the topic as my fondness for tangents often causes, and certainly will do time and time again before the end of the article (look there it is again) Where was I?
As time went on, my previous life began slowly slipping away from me, and any attempt to hold was as useless as trying to stop running water with a fork. I first alienated myself from the majority of my friends and family before spitefully and selfishly pushing my girlfriend at the time out of my life and ending our relationship(though this was likely to both of our benefit as we were quite toxic toward each other on many levels). Eventually I got fired from my job so when I totaled my car I had no means of repair and subsequently it was scrapped. All the while and even now leeching off my overly generous grandparents.
God bless my grandparents, easily the two most amazing people Ive ever had the pleasure of knowing. One day I hope to be as generous, selfless, hardworking, and admirable people as they always were toward my mother and I. My parents had me out of wedlock while they were quite young, so for the majority of my life, I was brought up by my mother’s mother and her husband whom I’ve always called ‘Poppy’ as long as I can remember. I cannot even begin to imagine where I would be without them. Hence the inspiration for my second tattoo, which is a giant back piece of a heart that with the word grandma in the middle. Pic below related.
If you had asked me then I would have told you that things were going great. I thought the fact that I had my own website, a stock portfolio, and an incredibly large repository (about 40+ full sized binders full) of notes, written works, journals, drawings, and other intellectual properties amassed was a telltale sign of my own success. Though this was merely self deception, as I had grown more depressed, lonely, lazy and worried for the sake of my future than I had ever been in my entire life, and I had hardly made a dime off of any of my pursuits.
Before long I stopped leaving the house, becoming extremely reclusive and antisocial, and my social interaction was restricted to the family I lived with (whom I often selfishly blamed and tormented for my disposition). The three friends whom I started this whole thing with one of which I only talked to over the phone as he lived in New York City, and the occasional departure from my seclusion I had made to bunk with one of my friends for a night or two. All of which began happening less and less often as time would go on.
While my relationship with my family was beginning to improve, as I spent more and more time helping them around the house and learned not to blame them when my bi polar was getting bad, my economic status was getting worse. I live in a small town where its not very easy to find work especially not without a car. I had one interview for a gig at a factory, but never went as when we had pulled up, I had a panic attack with an intensity that made my heart feel like it was going to explode, no luck.
I want to stop to make an seemingly apparent statement that the intention of this is not to draw sympathy from anyone, and had it done so I ask you to save it for a cause more deserving; as it was nothing but my own greed, and selfishness that lead me into this disaster. I can only pray that my ability to learn from my past mistakes will eventually lead me out, and while I still have a long ways to go, I’m beginning to see hope on the horizon.
I kept on trying and never allowed myself to be complacent or pessimistic despite nearly giving up and receding into substance abuse and self loathing many times along the way as I had taught myself to do in my adolescence. This behavior would prove difficult to break, and though I haven’t entirely broken it, I am proud to say I have discovered and maintained a newfound level of discipline with mind altering substances, and a work ethic that is far more consistent and prominent.
If there is anything that I would credit myself through all of this, is persistence, and optimism. I never for a second genuinely lost hope. And even when I neglected to care for my website and cultivate my business, continued to read, write, practice my instruments and singing nearly every day, clinging to at least one or two of these even during my worst bouts of depression.
Toward the end of winter 2019 things began looking better. I had a part time job lined up, my website traffic was growing, relations with my friends and family were being repaired while new friendships were being formed. My skills were finally seeming to cultivate into a platform that would one day show hope of me being able to support myself with it. And I was doing a much better job at making sure my drug and alcohol use was as safe, responsible, and non-destructive as possible. It appeared to me that all the learning and skill building I had worked on were beginning to pay off, though I wish not jinx this.
What was the intent behind this scene? I originally had felt rather than bowing down and selling my time for minimum wage that I was better off building something for myself. Not only for myself but building something that I could share and work on alongside the people whom I care deeply about and hold dearly. To compose a network of projects and small business ventures that I could eventually pass on to my children or whatever next of kin I may have when I’m gone. Anyone can go to a job and earn money, but I was interested in automating the money making process so I could focus on what I deemed a more meaningful and invaluable use of my time.
What is this than? It’s hard to define concretely but consists of developing an organization which nurtures and fosters contributions to the arts and the ever growing wealth of knowledge and information that furthers the progression of society, invention, education, discovery, morality and innovation as a whole. To make my own contributions through self guided study, academics and what I can hope to produce through such. Pursuit of religious/ethical/spiritual development or as some would call a personal connection with god.
Overall I favored any path or method I could find to contribute my time and resources towards causes and innovations that could serve to assist, entertain, or educate humanity beyond my direct sphere of influence. To seek those creations, virtues, and works that may stand the test of time. I have always seen this as a contradictory dualism of selflessness, and selfishness. While plagued with self importance and reeking of the desire for personal success, glory and vanity; the underlying intentions are purely good.
What does all that existential garble mean to me? For myself this was defined by pursing my dreams as a musician/singer/songwriter, poet, and philosophical/political journalist and activist. Simultaneously to lesser extents this meant cultivating my secondary skills as an academic writer, visual artist & photographer, web designer/computer programmer, investor and herbalist. All while maintaining the study of things I find both enjoyable and purposeful/useful to my skill set and goals.While it is doubtful that you are wondering what these studies may entail, I am going to list them anyways because I like making lists, and talking about the things I study, especially since I don’t get much of an outlet to talk about those things in the real world.
Just to highlight some key areas. This is not to say by any means that I think myself an expert on any of these topics, as I am quite young and a novice at most things in which I occupy myself and am quite aware of this fact. I am also strikingly aware that I am treading a fine line between eccentric and insane, often times it is very difficult for me to discern intelligence and creativity from mental illness and utter madness.
This may sound like a rather excessive cluster of interests and hobbies and it certainly is. Perhaps I have far too much time on my hands but I find it surprisingly easy and enjoyable to balance my passions so long as I am able to prioritize some as primary and the rest as secondary; something that took me quite awhile to figure out. This often means finding projects that combine these skills interests, and making friends who enjoy discussing, studying, and collaborating over them. Both of which I enjoy doing, and have found myself becoming quite resourceful as a result of.
Blogging seemed like a good starting point as it allowed me to practice and learn more about web development and computers, giving a platform to eventually advertise and market my art, music, and written works as well as those of my friends and peers, talk write articles to further my understanding in the other things that are important to me, and hopefully build a livelihood for myself and my friends in the process.
So far this blog has fostered a ton of learning experiences for my friends and I, as well as acting as a catalysts for us to bond over, and providing hope for the futures of our dreams and economic stability. Well I think that’s enough mixed self depreciation and self appreciation for the day. ( or at least until after dinner time)
If I could do anything differently, I would have been a lot nicer to my family and my ex girlfriend when I was facing hardship and struggling to cope with mental illness and substance problems. I would also have begged for my job back when I still had the chance as being unemployed for the last 8 months has made both my life and my goals unnecessarily difficult and painful. I also would have started this blog a long time ago while I was still in college. I could go on all day about what I would do differently, but since I can’t there isn’t much point in dwelling on the past. I would much rather focus on what I can do right in the present and in the future to correct these mistakes and make up for my wrongs, on every personal, interpersonal, professional, spiritual, and ethical level conceivable.
I hope this article provided meaningful or entertaining information about NEET’s the types of situations that lead people to that lifestyle, the pros and cons of being one, how I plan to escape this metaphorical cage of a stalemate. While revealing some backstory behind this blog, its purpose(s) as well as the people behind it. Or for any fellow NEETs or starving artist out there, that it shall provide something for you to relate too and seek comfort in, and advice on how to transcend your situation.
I know this article was rather long but thank you all for reading, I will happy to answer any questions in the comments section, via email, or to address them in a further response post. If this post gets a decent enough attention I may decide to write a part two and go into further detail on many of the events discussed here.
Until than thank you all for reading. we hope you like, subscribe, and check out our other content, and most importantly let us know what you think and pose any question, argument, or tidbit you’d like in the comments section!
2. Culturally, Demographically, and Gender Diverse Team!
3. We never premeditate our writing and have no centralized topic; you never know what to expect.
4. I took the time to write this shameless self promotion just for you. Yes you, I’m looking at you right now.
5. 4+ other upcoming sites in production on various topics, along side many more surprises in the works.
6. We donate to charities (list of charity funds we send money to and/or sponsor coming soon).
One of the biggest goals we aim for in our writing (when it isn’t for pure creativity) is to blur the lines between entertainment and education, so that readers are being presented real world information and practical knowledge in such a way that they interpret the content as effortless entertainment.
Only 3 of my best friends are real people.
I talk to animals, inanimate objects, and myself more than other people out of sheer preference.
When a group is composed of a diverse array of theological/spiritual, philosophical, political, socioeconomic, and ethical backgrounds and beliefs, they don’t really have room to pick sides on most things
(We all seem to be in agreement about marijuana legalization however.)
As a result you will find content that is profoundly unbiased and neutral despite addressing some of the most polarizing subjects imaginable.
Most of us here myself included have artistic and or musical ambitions and talents outside of writing which we are actively engaged in on a regular basis.
We eventually hope to bring most of those things here and share them with our readers!
(Once we’ve actually gotten our shit together enough to tie up all the loose ends on our projects and get them through the production process and into distributable web formats.)
There’s probably more reasons but I’ll try to humble us out a little bit by cutting it off at 10 before I get carried away.