Trump Shills Himself on Live TV… What a Surprise.

So it’s about 7:30pm. TV switches on. The president’s talking about fake news again. AWESOME! I don’t normally watch television, but as an (in)active participant of the fake news community, I felt a conviction to watch it.

Within about 10 seconds I was laughing almost hysterically. He gets up on stage and addresses the fake news community by flaunting his wealth in front of them and calling them poor. WHAT A GUY!

Trump takes to the classic high school-lunch table technique of reminding all of his opposing agents that he had “a better education, a nicer house, nicer cars, nicer everything…” Of course this drove the crowd wild.

For some reason there seemed to be a lot more controversy over the fact that he said the word bullshit, which I find a little confusing. Who cares if someone gets up and swears on national television? It’s not like kids get up in the morning and watch the news. What bothers me is the childish and materialistic approach he takes to in response to the media. Entertaining indeed but probably more cut out for reality television than United States President.

What’s next, bragging to all the leaders of third world countries about our technological and societal development? I hope he knows that people who don’t value materialism can’t be the list bit daunted by his boasts. Speaking of which isn’t this supposed to be the land where there’s never a boast or a brag?

This is absolutely incredible.

I can spend 5 minutes listening to punk music and hear more political discourse than in 2 hours of hearing our president speak, what a time to be alive.

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On Beliefs, Respect, and Emperor Trump!

Who the fuck would waste half their time caring if other people respect them or not. It’s not like you’ll ever earn the respect of the entire world. Why bother earning anyone’s respect?
I went through all of high school going out of my way to give myself a bad reputation. Why? Because to me it was fucking hilarious. I openly talked about my drug use (in front of students and teachers alike), went out of my way to be as offensive as I possibly could without displaying any prejudice,  rarely every listened to instructions and argued with literally everyone about anything, even if I was arguing against something I believed in.

In hindsight I was probably more likely to argue against things I believe in. Why? Because I don’t wanna believe in shit. The only reason I believe anything for that matter is because I can’t find enough counterpoints not too.

What use is believing anyway. If you think belief is anything more than a barrier between you and understanding you should probably reevaluate some shit.

For example I used to believe that to be president you were required to be a good person. Until I realized 90% of all world leaders who have ever existed anywhere were war happy subjugating scumbags.

Im all for a good bar fight or a heated argument but why do we have to send millions of people to get killed every year over foreign Oil, is the military one big citizen recycling program or something?

Is it to push the christian agenda so we don’t have to worry about those pesky Muslims or Hindu’s revealing that the religion our country was founded over has more internal contradictions than a Trump speech? Or is it Another excuse for society to alter itself into an example to prove social Darwinism correct so that we can use ourselves as a biased case for the ideologies our scientists like?

Which leads me to another point, why  do people put so much faith in science. It literally invalidates almost everything it discovers every few decades. Do people really hate math and physics that much? I honestly belief the preference for scientific discovery comes from the fact that people think they can just trust any publication put out without understanding the work that went behind it. See there I go believing shit again, this is why people need to understand things or else they say dumb shit like I just did.

As if someone isn’t capable of publishing fake case reports to sponsor or weaken the integrity of specific products and ideas. It’s almost as if this happens on a regular basis through lobbyists.

While this is being read, our president is most likely standing out on his balcony grabbing some white house staff lady by the pussy, whilst smoking crack out of a rolled up constitution, while saying a prayer to his patron hero the Ghost of Richard Nixon.

“Just tell them your not a racist while giving air quotes” Nixon’s words echo in his ear.

“I know you weren’t a crook!” Trump declares valiantly giving his salute before proceeding to adjust his nut sack held tightly by an american flag speedo.  Just picture it for a second? Breath taking isn’t it. Now that’s what I call a Kodak Moment if I’ve ever seen one.

“Another Day another third world country to subjugate!” Trump enthusiastically exclaims as he throws the house maid over the balcony to cover up the evidence.
“No accusations coming this time!” He blurts with a good chuckle, after words he gives a prayer to his lord and savior Boss Tweed before riding off into the sunset on the back of a horse drawn carriage being pulled by illegal immigrants flying a banner with the words “FREE WALLS FOR ALL” painted on it in red white and blue sharpie.

I hope you all enjoyed this treatise to the greatest tyrant of the greatest country ever founded. I propose we start a petition to get Emperor trump’s face added to mount Rushmore.  I’m so grateful to be born in such a time of great ideological prosperity!

VIVA LA FAKE DEMOCRACY FOR ALL !!!

 

The most Lit phone call that probably never happened.

It was about 4 in the morning. Nothing was out of the ordinary besides myself. After smoking my 7th off brand cigarette in a row, I made the critical decision to light an eighth one. I would probably be worried about cancer if I were a real person.

By now it was about 4:05 and I heard a phone ringing. Now normally this wouldn’t be too weird, except that I did not own a phone. I looked around for the source of the ringing only to discover a payphone had sprouted out of my basement floor. It was at that same moment I recognized the phones ringtone: It had been set too the tune of Rappers Delight by the Sugar hill gang.

“Well that’s nifty” I thought. Doing my best not to get caught up in the songs rhythm, yet very clearly struggling; I walked over and picked up the phone,. I was presented with a dial tone that informed me I was being called collect.  I was than prompted to insert two quarters, a cigarette, and half a quart of motor oil, In order to receive this call.

Having just spent every last cent I had on bottom shelf whiskey, I knew exactly what must be done. Sprinting full force to the gas station across the street I quickly acquired two quarters from the take a penny thing (without buying anything of course.)

Many nasty looks were given. No cares however could be found. I ran back into my abode to insert the two quarters before the phone stopped ringing. After that I inserted the motor oil followed by the cigerette, which was spit back out at me with a note: I only smoke Menthol’s.

I contemplated returning to the store but I really didn’t want to waste $10 on a pack of Newport Greens. I ran to my bathroom, and soaked a cigarette in mint flavored mouth wash before drying it with a hair dryer. I was quite confident this would fool the machine. I returned and reinserted, hoping for the results like a hopeless gambler watching the contents of his welfare check being eaten up by a shiny red slot machine at some shady casino.

It spit the cigarette out. “Well shit it must be one smart payphone.” I began to think too myself. My assumption was wrong, however because the note this time read “Break the filter off and light it you fool!” I did as instructed and proceeded to pick up the phone.

Apparently it was god. Which sorry to tell all you Christians out there, but the voice on the phone was a female. Apparently I was elected to become our generations Devil. I asked why? I was not particularly evil. This was when she explained to me that the devil wasn’t actually evil. But more like the actor who plays the villain in a movie. Except that unlike most movies the true distinction of who’s right and who’s wrong isn’t so clear.

He explained to me that the counter culture needs prophets too, and that I was in line for the lineage. Unconvinced I wanted to see some proof that I was talking too god and not an Imposter. The voice informed me it could be verified. When I asked how: the phone booth dissipated, sinking into the ground. I suppose that was all the proof I needed.

If there is anything I took from this meta-fictional experience it’s

  1. God smokes menthols.
    and
  2. I need to lay off the drugs.

Poole’s land: The Rain Forest Utopia

 

Not feeling particularly ambitious, inspired or energetic I settled on browsing YouTube videos for inspiration. Coulden’t hurt right? Well this turned out to be a much more fruitful Idea than I was expecting when I stumbled on what might be one of the closest thing to a genuine off the grid Anarchist Utopia that our species has managed to sustain.

I was feeling nothing short of exhilarated when I clicked on this short documentary styled tour of The Anarchist commune by the name of Poole’s land. Initially the word commune was setting off some red flags in my head, but this was heavily counter balanced by the green flags set off by the word Anarchist.

Nested within the rural Rain forests of the Canadian province known as British Columbia Poole’s land was founded by a man named Michael Poole in 1988 and 3 decades later they are still going strong!

On their website they provide this  short description of their itinerary and mission statement:

“At a time when sustainable living, renewable energy, and trying to reduce the harm that we cause to the planet are among the foremost of the international community’s concerns, Poolesland’s continued mission is to help to facilitate these changes, while looking for new and creative solutions in every day living situations in the often challenging surroundings of a beautiful moderate rain forest climate. At the heart of Poole’s mission and vision are the people that inhabit the land and contribute to its continued growth. Over the course of the 3 decades of it’s existence, many have visited and stayed on Poole’s Land to share in the continuing goal of developing sustainable communities that share in the love for mother earth and each other.” (Poole’s Land 2018)

First I want to note that I look toward their disposition toward the environment with a large degree of admiration. As both an environmentalist and an anarchist (Anarchist in a philosophical sense)these guys had really won me over before I even got the chance to visit their website. The more I learned I even began considering moving to join the commune myself!

What I found to be most noteworthy is simply how long they have sustained this An anarchist settlement lasting 30 years is almost unheard of! Certainly doing better off than the folks back in the late 30s of Catalonia. These people are said to be incredibly peaceful despite hardly having any real form of police. The grounds are also not only rent free but open invite. So If you’ve ever wanted to escape the trenches of urban life and retreat to something a little more primal and down to earth, this might be the escape for you!

The video began with one of the interviewers and a few of the native inhabitants busy at work harvesting Psilocybin (magic) mushrooms. These are consumed quite frequently along with other similar natural and semi-natural psychedelic compounds grown and produced on this 17 acre peaceful resistance center. Other substances mentioned to be circulated as payment for labor include cannabis, peyote, Ayahuasca, and LSD, but paper money is rarely ever used, and their are no taxes paid aside from that of the property owner.

It’s like a flashback of the 60s counterculture movement that took place in America. Just to be clear I do not condone the use of illegal drugs. this political experiment is profoundly cool for a lot of reasons. The fact that they’re functioning without any real government or leadership. That not only are they functioning but everyone works cooperatively without very much if any crime or significant conflict at all, and these people don’t even have a police force.

Though I will admit the idea of working for free doobies doesn’t sound like such a bad deal, however my state has yet to legalize so I can only dream of such a paycheck.

As I’ve mentioned in past articles I am in huge support of the legal reconsideration and further medical testing of serotonin agonizing substances, and I feel like the success and relative happiness of the people living in this commune is a standing example for their benignity and potential therapeutic value.

Well that’s all I have to say for now. I may return to this topic in a future article as I learn more, and may even contact the organization in an attempt to learn more about them or possibly attempt to request some sort of an online interview. Visiting seems like it would be an incredible adventure, but my budget and lack of vehicle don’t exactly compliment that idea. On the same note I may also search for more micro-societies following similar ideologies. If this is something that interests you than I’ve included the link to their official website below as well as the video!

As usual thank you all for reading, don’t forget to like, share, subscribe, and share your thoughts with us in the comments section!

-Alexander from TheGreatestNever.Win

Link to the video above:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bs24nK5er8

Official website:

http://www.poolesland.com/

 

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