Why? Why not? Create.

Why must their always be a point every time we string together our words and ideas into some form of composition or another. Is writing itself not enough of an art that it may not be conducted purely for it’s own sake?

Why must we worry ourselves with developing the purpose prior, when the readers are going to derive their own purposes from it anyways? They don’t care about why we wrote it anyhow. Unless they are trying to understand how you wrote it, than what they truly care about is why they’re reading it. Therefore it is better to say something than to waste your time worrying about what it is you might want to say, and why.

That is not to imply premeditated work is bad; but I’ve never found it particularly sensible to premeditate something which is intended to be original. Rather, I find it best to leave the matter up to unconscious forces. By feeding my brain with masses of whatever stimulus it’s calling for, whether it be visual art, literature, music, social interaction, film etc.

What ensues is a sort of melting pot of creativity; a churning mixture of ideas, sounds, visions, quotes, and words. Than when all is finished, my brain begins to inform me, like my microwave beeping to signal that my peach-hibiscus tea is ready.  If I neglect this task of release, it grows louder and harder to ignore. It does not however signal this verbally. It notifies me in the form of a weird sort of anxiety or pressure.

A pulsing and often painful urgency that grows in intensity the longer I try to fight it off. Never ceasing to torment all levels of my consciousness until I eventually take to pen, keyboard, or instrument. It is the same force that compels me away from mundane and fruitless uses of time. The same that haunts me with every minute I spend working in conventional labor.

It’s as a chain or a rope, always leading me towards the act of creation. Always pulling me through endless acquisition of knowledge and skill building. Persistently dragging me up a hill. A tall mountainous hill that is rocky and often steep. The difficulty of the climb is however irrelevant.

Resistance as well as inaction prove futile,  countless attempts at both have shown  no end save for agony and despair.  If one ignores this calling, they may as well be digging their own grave with their bare hands, only to cowardly crawl inside and await in patient sorrow for starvation and the elements to gradually overcome them.

If one answers the call, they may or may not find success. Whether they do or not is irrelevant; what follows after will be identical either way: building upon what they’ve already created, and striving to out due their current and previous accomplishments with something new. A cycle that will persist for the entirety of their existences.

There may be brief moments of self appreciation upon fulfilling tasks, completing projects and reaching milestones, but that is a light refreshment rather than the true reward. The real enjoyment comes from the process of creation in of itself. The reward is the experience. When you listen to a song, you are not listening merely to have heard it, and likewise when you sing a song you are not singing merely to have sung it.

If you have done something a thousand times, is it because you wanted to perfect it? Or is it because you enjoy doing it so much that you are compelled to do it a thousand times? I don’t believe I could will myself to do something a thousand times if I did not enjoy it or the outcome.

This shows us obsession is no less a source of mastery than dedication. After all what is obsession? You could label obsession a negative trait or a defect and perhaps in extreme instances, or those where the obsession involves detriment to others it is.  However in it’s milder, and more benign or controlled forms is a sort of voluntary dedication. That is to say a peculiar type of dedication that does not seem to require effort, and if it does, it does not feel like it does.

For example someone who is obsessed with a particular author may read all of their books back to back and learn everything that author had to teach, something which for others may feel treacherously boring. They may practice an instrument arduously for hours a day and not for a single minute feel that they are obligated to do so.

We are thus propelled both forward and upward, not by financial necessity nor material enticement, but by spiritual necessity and an insatiable lust for the labors of life in and of themselves. We create not to have created or to be creators but simply for the pleasure to create again.

The sun does not rise to give the energy of light that allows our crops to photosynthesize. It rises because of the earth’s tendencies to rotate and revolve around it. Likewise if someone derives enjoyment or utility from something I wrote, as great as that is, would not make it the reason why I wrote it.

It may be the reason why I choose to distribute some of my work, but I was writing long before that. Just as most painters were like busying themselves with brush in hand long before anybody genuinely enjoyed their work. Ergo if one is going to pursue something anyways, they may as well attempt to make the most out of it.

If you take the time to craft or create your going to get better over time. Similarly if you do something consistently, why not put in the effort of doing it well? Arduous practice aside, this may consist of studying the deeper logic behind it,  acquiring related skills and sub skills that directly or indirectly lend support to the primary, and finding new ways to adapt and apply these skills to different areas and patterns of creation in order to manifest innovative ideas and solve new types of problems.

If we take the time to develop a craft which could lend to the entertainment and utility of others, why not distribute it? If your gonna work on something regardless of weather or not it earns you wealth, why not do so in a way that opens up the potential to earn wealth with it?

I  like many creative types, started writing without any purpose beyond feeling a sort of internal need to write. As we continue however, we create new opportunities for additional purposes. In a similar sense you could call this article is a microcosm of that phenomena

Furthermore if you do the right thing for the right reasons, does that permit one the right to expect the right results? Maybe not, but it ought too. To some of you this article may not have said a word. Some of you might be a little more adept at reading between the lines. If a picture tells a thousand words than certainly a thousand words must paint a picture. What kind of picture did this paint for you?

 

 

 

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Confessions of a NEET (part 1?)

Hello ladies, gentlemen and (insert desired pronoun or lack thereof), my name is Alexander Austin Webber and I am a 20 year old NEET from small town in upstate New York.

So what is a NEET and what am I confessing? NEET is an acronym that stands for not in formal education employment or training.

Am I happy I made this decision? Some days, but most of the time no I am not.

Did I realize I was making this decision? Not entirely, I was naively optimistic about my ability to build a life and make a living on my skills and knowledge and the assistance of my peers at age 18 (20 now) Many of you I suppose are getting a good laugh from this right now, and I am pleased that you are. Your laughter means my words are serving some form of purpose even if it’s mere entertainment. I’ve always found enjoyment in self depreciation anyways.

So how did I get here? Lets rewind a little bit. It’s early 2018, and I’m giving my second go at a college degree, this time instead of university, it’s back home at my local community college, better known as FMCC or Fulton Montgomery community college. Compared to my first attempt at a formal education, I was doing quite well to my surprise. I had always been a bright kid, and loved to read and write. However I had been plagued with an inconsistent disposition. Getting up and going to classes every day was something I found rather difficult, as I preferred to stay home: playing guitar, writing songs, poems, quasi-philosophical essays and short stories, and spending time with my girlfriend at the time. Though despite this I had a lot of faith in my abilities, perhaps looking back I had far too much.

I would eventually drop out to pursue these things convincing myself that I was better off self guiding my learning, and applying it to my own craft in a foolish attempt to start my own company. Though at first I had much support from my peers, I would quickly realize that the problems that haunted me at school, would follow me into my own affairs. Many days I would not work on my website, or my music, convincing myself that read and take notes was enough, and while this was not useless, it certainly wasn’t going to help me build a happy and successful life in which I need not resort to leeching off my family, at least not directly.

I was and am living with my grandparents at the time as I had done most of my life (God bless them.) and working as a dishwasher at a local restaurant. I should also mention that I struggled perpetually with mental illness and drug and alcohol addiction. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child, depression and anxiety as a young teen, and Bi Polar Disorder at age 17.

I had dealt with a few bouts of substance addiction throughout high school and my early adult life, though I don’t want to be too specific about this. At least not yet, possibly another article for another day. I was also quite the pot-head, however this is something as compared to my other more negative habits that I (possibly quite foolishly) claim with pride and still do. On a similar note I am also a dedicated advocate for the research, exploration and hopefully a reconsideration of legal policies surrounding serotonin agonizing substances better known as psychedelic drugs such as LSD and Psilocybin mushrooms on behalf of their medicinal, entheogenic (spiritual tool), and educational potential.

My apologies for straying away from the topic as my fondness for tangents often causes, and certainly will do time and time again before the end of the article (look there it is again) Where was I?

As time went on, my previous life began slowly slipping away from me, and any attempt to hold was as useless as trying to stop running water with a fork. I first alienated myself from the majority of my friends and family before spitefully and selfishly pushing my girlfriend at the time out of my life and ending our relationship(though this was likely to both of our benefit as we were quite toxic toward each other on many levels). Eventually I got fired from my job so when I totaled my car I had no means of repair and subsequently it was scrapped. All the while and even now leeching off my overly generous grandparents.

God bless my grandparents, easily the two most amazing people Ive ever had the pleasure of knowing. One day I hope to be as generous, selfless, hardworking, and admirable people as they always were toward my mother and I. My parents had me out of wedlock while they were quite young, so for the majority of my life, I was brought up by my mother’s mother and her husband whom I’ve always called ‘Poppy’ as long as I can remember. I cannot even begin to imagine where I would be without them. Hence the inspiration for my second tattoo, which is a giant back piece of a heart that with the word grandma in the middle. Pic below related.

heart-grandma

My back piece: second tattoo obtained on my nineteenth birthday.

If you had asked me then I would have told you that things were going great. I thought the fact that I had my own website, a stock portfolio, and an incredibly large repository (about 40+ full sized binders full) of notes, written works, journals, drawings, and other intellectual properties amassed was a telltale sign of my own success. Though this was merely self deception, as I had grown more depressed, lonely, lazy and worried for the sake of my future than I had ever been in my entire life, and I had hardly made a dime off of any of my pursuits.

Before long I stopped leaving the house, becoming extremely reclusive and antisocial, and my social interaction was restricted to the family I lived with (whom I often selfishly blamed and tormented for my disposition). The three friends whom I started this whole thing with one of which I only talked to over the phone as he lived in New York City, and the occasional departure from my seclusion I had made to bunk with one of my friends for a night or two. All of which began happening less and less often as time would go on.

While my relationship with my family was beginning to improve, as I spent more and more time helping them around the house and learned not to blame them when my bi polar was getting bad, my economic status was getting worse. I live in a small town where its not very easy to find work especially not without a car. I had one interview for a gig at a factory, but never went as when we had pulled up, I had a panic attack with an intensity that made my heart feel like it was going to explode, no luck.

I want to stop to make an seemingly apparent statement that the intention of this is not to draw sympathy from anyone, and had it done so I ask you to save it for a cause more deserving; as it was nothing but my own greed, and selfishness that lead me into this disaster. I can only pray that my ability to learn from my past mistakes will eventually lead me out, and while I still have a long ways to go, I’m beginning to see hope on the horizon.

I kept on trying and never allowed myself to be complacent or pessimistic despite nearly giving up and receding into substance abuse and self loathing many times along the way as I had taught myself to do in my adolescence.  This behavior would prove difficult to break, and though I haven’t entirely broken it, I am proud to say I have discovered and maintained a newfound level of discipline with mind altering substances, and a work ethic that is far more consistent and prominent.

If there is anything that I would credit myself through all of this, is persistence, and optimism. I never for a second genuinely lost hope. And even when I neglected to care for my website and cultivate my business, continued to read, write, practice my instruments and singing nearly every day, clinging to at least one or two of these even during my worst bouts of depression.

Toward the end of winter 2019 things began looking better. I had a part time job lined up, my website traffic was growing, relations with my friends and family were being repaired while new friendships were being formed. My skills were finally seeming to cultivate into a platform that would one day show hope of me being able to support myself with it. And I was doing a much better job at making sure my drug and alcohol use was as safe, responsible, and non-destructive as possible. It appeared to me that all the learning and skill building I had worked on were beginning to pay off, though I wish not jinx this.

What was the intent behind this scene? I originally had felt rather than bowing down and selling my time for minimum wage that I was better off building something for myself. Not only for myself but building something that I could share and work on alongside the people whom I care deeply about and hold dearly. To compose a network of projects and small business ventures that I could eventually pass on to my children or whatever next of kin I may have when I’m gone. Anyone can go to a job and earn money, but I was interested in automating the money making process so I could focus on what I deemed a more meaningful and invaluable use of my time.

What is this than? It’s hard to define concretely but consists of developing an organization which nurtures and fosters contributions to the arts and the ever growing wealth of knowledge and information that furthers the progression of society, invention, education, discovery, morality and innovation as a whole. To make my own contributions through self guided study, academics and what I can hope to produce through such. Pursuit of religious/ethical/spiritual development or as some would call a personal connection with god.

Overall I favored any path or method I could find to contribute my time and resources towards causes and innovations that could serve to assist, entertain, or educate humanity beyond my direct sphere of influence. To seek those creations, virtues, and works that may stand the test of time. I have always seen this as a contradictory dualism of selflessness, and selfishness. While plagued with self importance and reeking of the desire for personal success, glory and vanity; the underlying intentions are purely good.

What does all that existential garble mean to me? For myself this was defined by pursing my dreams as a musician/singer/songwriter, poet, and philosophical/political journalist and activist.  Simultaneously to lesser extents this meant cultivating my secondary skills as an academic writer, visual artist & photographer, web designer/computer programmer, investor and herbalist. All while maintaining the study of things I find both enjoyable and purposeful/useful to my skill set and goals.While it is doubtful that you are wondering what these studies may entail, I am going to list them anyways because I like making lists, and talking about the things I study, especially since I don’t get much of an outlet to talk about those things in the real world.

Preferred focus and areas of study include but are far from limited to:

  • Anything bearing the slightest relationship to music in any way shape or form.

  • World religions & spirituality (with a slight bias towards/focus on Vedic and Hindu oriented systems)

  • Foreign culture, society and global studies

  • Language, linguistics & Etymology.

  • Various sciences(though the cognitive and social sciences are my favorite)

  • Psychology, psychiatry, and mental illness.

  • The Arts, Humanities and Aesthetics.

  • Multiple timelines of history as portrayed by various worldviews.

  • Medicine, Pharmacology and Health science.

  • Literature & Poetry.

  • Finance. Marketing, and Business

  • All sorts of Technology, Engineering and computational sciences

  • Cryptography and communication tech.

  • Data (structure), algorithms and information architecture

  • Law, Politics and Ethics.

  • The blockchain movement and the world of cryptocurrency

  • Economic & political systems (mostly Anarchism and Syndicalism)

  • Physics, Mathematics, and Statistics.

  • Quantum mechanics, computing, and related theory.

  • Nearly every philosophic school of thought imaginable(even going so far as to create my own; Book of Aciudaimysm coming soon!)

Just to highlight some key areas. This is not to say by any means that I think myself an expert on any of these topics, as I am quite young and a novice at most things in which I occupy myself and am quite aware of this fact. I am also strikingly aware that I am treading a fine line between eccentric and insane, often times it is very difficult for me to discern intelligence and creativity from mental illness and utter madness.

This may sound like a rather excessive cluster of interests and hobbies and it certainly is. Perhaps I have far too much time on my hands but I find it surprisingly easy and enjoyable to balance my passions so long as I am able to prioritize some as primary and the rest as secondary; something that took me quite awhile to figure out. This often means finding projects that combine these skills interests, and making friends who enjoy discussing, studying, and collaborating over them. Both of which I enjoy doing, and have found myself becoming quite resourceful as a result of.

Blogging seemed like a good starting point as it allowed me to practice and learn more about web development and computers, giving a platform to eventually advertise and market my art, music, and written works as well as those of my friends and peers, talk write articles to further my understanding in the other things that are important to me, and hopefully build a livelihood for myself and my friends in the process.

So far this blog has fostered a ton of learning experiences for my friends and I, as well as acting as a catalysts for us to bond over, and providing hope for the futures of our dreams and economic stability. Well I think that’s enough mixed self depreciation and self appreciation for the day. ( or at least until after dinner time)

If I could do anything differently, I would have been a lot nicer to my family and my ex girlfriend when I was facing hardship and struggling to cope with mental illness and substance problems. I would also have begged for my job back when I still had the chance as being unemployed for the last 8 months has made both my life and my goals unnecessarily difficult and painful. I also would have started this blog a long time ago while I was still in college. I could go on all day about what I would do differently, but since I can’t there isn’t much point in dwelling on the past. I would much rather focus on what I can do right in the present and in the future to correct these mistakes and make up for my wrongs, on every personal, interpersonal, professional, spiritual, and ethical level conceivable.

I hope this article provided meaningful or entertaining information about NEET’s the types of situations that lead people to that lifestyle, the pros and cons of being one, how I plan to escape this metaphorical cage of a stalemate. While revealing some backstory behind this blog, its purpose(s) as well as the people behind it. Or for any fellow NEETs or starving artist out there, that it shall provide something for you to relate too and seek comfort in, and advice on how to transcend your situation.

I know this article was rather long but thank you all for reading, I will happy to answer any questions in the comments section, via email, or to address them in a further response post. If this post gets a decent enough attention I may decide to write a part two and go into further detail on many of the events discussed here.

Until than thank you all for reading. we hope you like, subscribe, and check out our other content, and most importantly let us know what you think and pose any question, argument, or tidbit you’d like in the comments section!